Trolls
"Everyone hates John, fucking with him is a good cause." '' ''- Zach Dawes '' Because of John's behavior online, it was inevitable he gathered several dedicated trolls dedicated to chasing him off the internet/trying to force him to act like a civilized human being. Generally the trolls tend to refer to themselves as a whole as FOXHOUND, in reference to John's plagiarism of the Metal Gear series. Th3overseer (Active) Th3overseer, real name Desmond Valentine, is the first person John made contact with on the internet, and as such, was the first one to reveal John's degeneracy to the masses. He is a highly trained former-SAS assassin based in London. He is known mostly for his no-nonsense attitude towards pointing out John's hypocrisy and errors. He is the older brother of Veronica, and is responsible for the audiobook series. Th3overseer remained fairly subtle during the Burnig Haert 3 saga, merely critiquing John's chapters. For this reason, he took John by surprise when he traveled to the United States to execute Leo with a .44 magnum. Despite murdering John's lover, John remains fairly blazé about Desmond's existance, though this is speculated to be because of Veronica. Trixewithanak47 (Active) Trixewithanak47, real name Veronica Valentine, is an incredibly feminine woman who was comissioned by her older brother to seduce Johntip into including a bunch of gay 80s cartoon characters into Burnig Haert. She found John's hypocrisy, misogony, and closeted lust for Leo to be too much for her to handle, and abandoned the mission to be with her one true love, Zach Dawes. SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. John still pines for her, a fact that Desmond is eager to take advantage of. Ivy O'Neil (Honorably Discharged) A mysterious woman hailing from Ireland, who appeared on John's account one day singing praise unto him. He quickly lept at the oppurtunity to be in an e-relationship with a female who could stand being around him, and thus began dating her. She didn't do too much personally, but she did serve as the ultimate goal of his contest with Liquid, and was on the brunt of some ''incredibly offensive and sexist remarks before fleeing John to marry Liquid. They now live together and are very well-off and happy. Contrary to John's bizarre claims, Ivy has never and will never have sexual relations with a dog. Liquid Johntip (Honorably Discharged) Liquidjohntip, real name John Sellows, is an incredibley talented African-American writer, programmer, singer, and voice-over artist. He appeared one day and claimed that John Sellows (Solid) was stealing both his name, as well as his ideas. Being a fair man, Liquid proposed a contest to determine the real John. He won, and proceeded to cut all ties with Solid, who refused to let it go. Despite his relatively small amount of contact with Solid, Liquid is rather famous for revealing John's intense racism and making John absolutely lose his shit in a way that has only ever been matched by Zach Dawes. Liquid retired with his wife, Ivy, after succesfully publishing his maserpiece, Burnig Spleen. He is currently developing the official Burnig Haert videogame. Drewpicklesthegay (Active) The self-declared second gayest man in history, behind He-Man, Drew appeared one day and began flirting with John, and responding to John's demands of VGcats Rule 34 with threats of Leo porn. Eventually he actually went through with sending John the gay pictures, and to everyones surprise and horror, John masturbated furiously and demanded more. Drew took this to his advantage, and hijacked the plot to Burnig Haert 3 in an uneasy trade for more fap-fodder. Also worth mentioning is that John did try to cyber with Drew, but he quickly stopped once he noticed Drew's verbal tic of spamming "hahahaha" every other sentance. Sexyaerismeow (Honorably Discharged) The first of many fake girlfriend accounts, she justifiably did almost nothing to John, as no one yet knew the just how deep the rabbit hole would go. She baited him with the idea of nude pics of herself, and gave him a link leading to a picture of an obese man in a diaper, following this up by terminating her account. Sexyaeriscat (Honorably Discharged) An incredibly obvious fake account, managed by one of Th3overseer's friends, that nonetheless managed to take over John's first deviantart account. How? She said her email was broken and she needed to borrow John's. Facepalms ensued. Sexyleocat (KIA) John's current late boyfriend. They enjoyed long walks on the beach, snowballing jizz, and having light-saber fights with their penises. In a shocking twist, Leo was shot in the back of the head by Th3overseer during one of his sex-chats with John. The hit was contracted by one Zach Dawes, who was getting revenge on John for his atrocious behavior towards Veronica. The-King-Mah-Boi (active) The dinner loving king of hyrule, who has recently decided to come to deviantart to ask John about dinner and his boi. Killingazn (MIA) Some cowboy John met on the moon. Killingazn went with John to Tip Town and became the town's resident strip-club manager. Killingazn hasn't been heard from in a long time, and is presumed dead in one of the many attacks on Tip Town. While his strip club has returned in the Burnig Haert reboot, he is still nowhere to be found. Note that we can only write about his "characterization" from Burnig Haert, because as a troll he did literally nothing. DäsFuhrer (KIA) DasFührer, real name Wernher Heissler, was a German art student and avid Neo-Nazi who moved to the USA to recruit John as an Aryan Nationalist. He utterly failed, not because John has a moral objection to nazism, but because John was, ironically, unable to understand Wernher's broken english. Out of shame for his utter failure to troll John, Wernher killed himself by hanging. Blue7Bandit (Dishonorably Discharged) Blue7bandit was a very minor troll in the early days of John's insanity. He basically just copied Th3overseer's trolling example of snarking at every single thing John posted, as well as used his own "hilarious" schtick of calling John sexy and asking John to assfuck him. He was also a tremendous emo, and was most likely eager to troll John so as to not be chosen for a trolling target himself. Blue7bandit departed the internet after Th3overseer called him out for posting a transparent journal entry about how he had supposedly attempted suicide in an effort to garner pity and attention. Iamzachdawes (Active) A troll account masquerading as John's infamous real life nemisis, Zach Dawes. He is one of John's most despised enemies, as he is dating John's real life crush, is believed to have fucked another, shown John's homoerotic porn to his classmates, stolen Veronica from him, called him a faggot numerous times, hijacked Burnig Haert 3 to the point that John has declared the series ruined, sabotaged his attempted relationship with an actual girl, and finished by hacking John's account, extorting 50 dollars for a fix, and then closing it anyways after taking the money. While Th3overseer is the first troll, Zach Dawes is by far the most triumphant and beloved in their community. Note that while some of these acts have been committed by the real Zach Dawes and others are simply claims made by the impostor account, John beleives the impostor account is the true and honest Zach Dawes, and thus his hatred towards Zach is far more vitriolic than any of the other trolls.